Pain – some observations and expressions…

I often think what is this pain all about? How do you measure it? How do you define it? How does it feel when people say you don’t know what goes in my life and the other fellow thinks, ask me; then whose pain is bigger?

Pain, hurt, such a strong and a powerful feeling? We all go through it time and again. Often cursing why me? A few times suffering and moaning in deep silence, a few other times turning aggressive and committing unpardonable mistakes and sometimes rationalizing and saying Karma… In all the above post painful actions, there stays the unwavering Pain.

…

It hurts to see someone being so ignorant of everything happening around. One who has magnified their own pain into such a gigantic Everest which can’t be climbed or made to surrender by an average willed. It pains to see them covering their mistake in the disguise that others did wrong and that they are victimized. God save the educated lot who despite having high credentials still succumb to being emotionally un-intelligent.

It hurts to see a wife proving her honesty again and again to a jerk who has only learnt to doubt and display his manliness. It hurts to see a wife being sold by her husband in the disguise of work as the man has another affair and wants to bring that lady home and still want to use the earlier one as a source of income.

Yes, it hurts when someone so capable, iron-willed, free spirited crumbles in front of you. Turns so feeble that it makes you weak. Becomes so vulnerable that your rage, resentment, dissonance with the person melts away with a thought, that O lord, if I ever hurt this person, please forgive me.

It hurts to see someone of this generation cribbing about raising a child and yet persistent to have another as the child in arms is a girl. A girl who can’t carry on the family lineage. Literate and not educated is worse than illiterate who at least doesn’t claim of awareness and say “I know, but…”

It hurts to see someone miserable, helpless in front of their offspring. Tight lipped with nerves twitching to react knowing fully well they can’t because of their actions that has left scars in the young minds hard to erase. It hurts to see the young minds fully denying the universal value of forgiveness and holding on to their beliefs as if they are cast in stone.

It hurts to see someone suppressing all their needs and wants (forget desires) in absence of means to fulfill those. It is painful to see them suffering the suppression and suffering the outcome of such suppression.

It hurts when one tries to move on and the itsy bitsy of the past leaves them often grappling towards the desired world creating exhaustion, feeling of being trapped, oscillating between what’s right and wrong. The heart bleeds when the understanding in a relationship dies, the energy and courage to express fades, the cues and signals don’t find their desired interpretation and the awkwardness keeps growing.

दर्द होता है…

जब आप खुद को टूट कर बिखरते देखते हैं…

जब चाह कर भी खुद को जोड़ नहीं पाते हैं और हर एक नाकामयाब कोशिश हमारे और टुकड़े कर जाती है…

और जब ना चाहते हुए भी खुद को समेट कर, जोड़ कर, खड़ा करना पड़ता है, तो दर्द होता है, बहुत दर्द होता है.

Enjoy the being, Becoming is on its way

Sometimes a few articles I read stay with me. One such speaking tree article “Overcome Inner Contradiction and Conflict” published on June 23^rd, 2015 keep steering my mind ever since I first read it. It spoke about “being and becoming - to become fully aware and the Journey of joy”.

The article is not an unknown revelation, but often misses mention in our chaotic lives.  

The second article that I came across was “What’s next” in Sunday Times a few months ago which spoke about how anxiously we wait for upcoming versions of phone or laptop or car etc when we might be holding the brand new stuff in our hand.

These two triggered some thoughts to pen down as somehow I feel the premises of both the above article are same.

In the last few months, I have in general become quite restless with everything I do. To name a few of such events…

With breakfast my brain works what I will cook for lunch or dinner; with one project at hand my focus is almost towards what will I do post this; being in one meeting I will begin imagining the other meetings; being on page X of the book I am reading I will often be enticed to jump to the middle of the book etc. Hence, I truly affirm the saying that the pain or joy can be recognized only if you have experienced on yourself. And hence, the above two articles came across my mind today.

So, what I am doing in this restless zest –    
· With the thought of what I will cook or eat next, I almost disregard the food on my plate (which is mostly tasty).

· What work I will do tomorrow or next month, at times, drives me to lose track on my today’s to dos.

· The temptations to jump and see what’s in the middle pages of the book, I often miss the flavors on the earlier pages giving me half-baked understanding of the book (at times I re-read the pages to get the writer's context as I didn’t pay attention on the earlier ones :P)

· Meeting menace – Ahem! let me not talk about it.

· ... And of course many more

My learning to sum up-

In the wait of becoming, don’t miss soaking in the present and celebrating the “Being”. 

Don't miss calling out & thanking those who made you achieve the "Being" and will be silently beside you in your journey of "Becoming".

I am reminded of a dialogue from the movie Wake Up Side… “Goals paane ki khushi tabhi mahsoos hoti hai, jab usse kisi se saath share kar sako"

So, step back, think about those who matter to you, rest over your laurels and enjoy what you have achieved… share with them what you want to become and want to achieve more…many will join you in your journey of becoming and will shower unconditional love and blessings.

“If we don’t enjoy what we have, what’s the guarantee we could be happier with more or better…?”

The next might best be an illusion. So, thodi der ke liye hi sahi, apani busy zindagi se nazar hataayi and Enjoy the being!

Cheers, Jayshree

When I look around I dun find anyone happier than me!

Recently, an acquaintance very innocently told me – What Jay, look at you? You have nothing to worry. You do assignments that you like, married the guy you love, take vacations, are successful and happy etc etc…

I heard it and I was like… Wow!! What I just heard makes sense and seems true. I do all of this and have so much more that others aspire for.  A supporting family, flexibility & variety in my work, enough money for a comfortable life, time for family and the appetite to keep growing and achieving more. A superb feeling of content and joy!

While I was enjoying this feeling, the ugly part of the brain gets activated and starts whining about every possible thing – compromised life style due to weekend work, rejected work proposals, unbearable joints pain, cluttered mind as I scout for work almost every month, inconsistency in income inflow, wrecked relations, stress around extending family, falling hair and what not. Phew!! A feeling of dejection, frustration, unworthiness and confusion. (Take a note, the content on this para and number of feelings are more than the previous one :P)

So, the tussle between the two wolves in mind continues and I decide to probe further.

My own observations while driving around, reading newspapers, watching news channels and while conversing with known or unknown; one thing I can identify is the existing and growing pain amongst us. Be my acquaintances or strangers – I can spot some as helpless or addicted, alone, betrayed, self-constrained, frustrated or have mixed up feelings. Reasons could be any, feelings remain the same.                          

                                Some are claustrophobic and want freedom

                                Some are too free and want a shelter

                                Those who have nothing, are grappling to make ends meet

                                Those who have everything, are looking for peace & love

                                Those too ambitious crave for dose of fun and family time

                                Some are fighting for life with little hope in heart

                                Some succumbing to pressure from family or colleagues

                                Some are chasing to get everything best for them (definition of this “best” is                                         best unknown to many)

                                Some are taking the wrath of history without any fault of theirs                               

Viewing other’s pain, I recognise my pain as almost insignificant.

There are numerous reasons for me to carry the unconstructive feelings. However, there are equal number of reasons to feel the way I want to. And what makes me feel the way I want to…

• Counting my many blessings and expressing gratitude
• Connecting to my core values of love, respect, integrity and contribution
• Complaining consciously and switching gear to look at the positive side of every situation
• Believing in the Law of Service, Law of forgiveness and Law of Karma
• Identifying my priorities, dissenting the impulses and focusing on my end goal
• Centering myself towards abundance I have and preserving those
• My desire to be happy and Continue to strive towards excellence and spread the values I treasure
• Meeting and attracting people in life who

                …don’t have the basics but willingly offer their little alms…

                …lead a struggled life but lit up the surroundings with their big smile…

                …think of others before their own needs…

                …enjoy the moment, the nature, and their current abundance rather being in the                                       race…

                …believe in the goodness of heart and spread values like trust, empathy and love…

                … are so positive that their belief fills you with hope and aspirations…

                …are content deep inside with no jealousy or materialistic desires inspiring many…

My final take…

                When I look around I dun find anyone happier than me,

                Another view again, gives me infinite reasons to complain, leaving me dejected…

                I realize the choice is mine, where to look and how to feel!

I have my choice clear, in the attitude I wear.

Leaving you to think of yours...Nazariyaa badalne ki der hai…

Cheers, Jayshree

How effectively and quickly we choose to protest against something?

Just like a lot of “My choice” critics, I thought of penning down my thought. A lot has been said (Read Condemned); spoofs made, comments made on Deepika’s personal life about her relationships/her declaration of depression, that video is selling shampoos and fairness cream, elitist don’t understand about feminism or empowerment as they are born with a silver spoon etc etc etc…

It seems we were just waiting to pounce over the lady who dare talk about empowerment, after all celebs are the easiest target. Looking at the spoofs / My choice male version video, I am wondering people have so much free time and government better do a good job employment generation.

I mean if you compare the stats for something disrespectful, mocking and insensitive, I am left bewildered on our choices to protest …

•           My Choice video – YouTube - 14 lac views in approx a week with 13600 likes and 656 dislikes. Facebook - 70k+ likes and 5500 comments
•           Hate speeches by our leaders – 9 lac views over 3 months duration. I couldn’t trace a facebook mention. (If someone finds it, please one like from me). 
•           “Famous fevicol lyrics “main toh tandoori murgi hun gataaka mujhe alcohol se” – 3.4 crore views in ~ 2 years with more likes then dislikes on YouTube and many likes and groups on FB named as Fevicol se, fevicol community etc (I too am party of tapping my feet on this number and am ashamed of MY CHOICE here). I mean how much more can we objectify and commoditise women in general. Where are we protesting against such creations when the small kids are performing on this number and this song is being played loud in all marriages and parties.
•           JK Cement’s ad showing a bikini clad women with 33000 views – mixed reactions thankfully for this ad. But someone mentions that this ad was targeted at the contractors/builders and sales grew by 36% post this ad… Really?

 I am still wondering what’s our choice of protest? If at all we could raise voices against all the above and other similar craps floating around, we could have moved the needle a bit. But, may be we think these ad makers just want to sell anything or  who will take panga with politicians or ohh it's just a song, isn’t it?

I may be sounding in absolute awe and support of My choice Video and most of you must be closing this page to view other interesting websites (Your choice).

Well, what I feel about this video I will share later but let’s look at a few aspects touched by the video as I am still figuring was there nothing to be praised for in this video?

To wear the clothes I like – Being born and brought up in a Bihar town, I was over protected to be home by 5pm, be fully covered from neck to toe be it inside house or outside (preferably salwar suits and not even jeans). Reason safety, it’s a bad world outside etc. I hardly found this act ever helped those men with their choice of groping and feeling the ladies on streets. I and many others were robbed of our freedom to wear what we like. Of course a few defied the norm and that gave the courage to rest to at least try. Bottom line – still we were robbed of our choice and the freedom to wear clothes of our choice was missing. In fact, there is still a huge section of our society which demands ladies under burqua or long ghunghat. No one cares if these ladies are dying out of heat and perspiration or getting rashes on face or simply feeling choked. It’s a culture, you are a girl and you better live with this.

To be a size zero or size 15 –  “Next month is your marriage and you better get in shape” … “why can’t you lose weight, you are such an embarrassment”…. “you are over-weight please don’t wear jeans it looks odd” … “I won’t go to the marriage as my cousins are all slim and I become the butt of joke blahblahblah….

These statements are a household reality often hurled at the women folks by men and women both (I bet on this one!). I may have health issues which makes me fat, I may be leading a stressful life with little support to focus on diet, I may have a broad built, but no you should be a Sushmita Sen or Shilpa Shetty. I need not refer the many mentions of our Bollywood actresses in news on their weight.

Thankfully awareness through fatshaming is brought to light and people are recognizing to love their body (many are calling it a marketing gimmick too, your choice again). I am fully in support of fitness and ensure we are not overweight but let’s not make this a nightmare for a woman. Obesity itself leads to depression and such constant mental stress for obesity is like adding fuel to fire. It’s certainly my choice what size I want to be.

Marry or not to marry – Highly debatable topic especially when Marriage defines a woman in many Asian countries. An unmarried woman is a liability on her parents, usually outcast by her community as no man found her suitable enough to marry and a bad influence on the next generation. My wish to get into a commitment or be independent all my life making my own choices and leading my life with a free will. What’s wrong here if this is the voice of “My choice” video.

Sex before marriage or outside of marriage or not have sex – no need for me to say anything here as the word “Sex” itself is such a taboo. How could she so openly talk about it, summoning prohibited actions like sex before or outside marriage? 

As an individual yes I won’t support sex outside marriage as it breaks the commitment between two individuals to be loyal to each other. However, you don't know someone so don't judge until you know the background. A blanket statement of right or wrong does no service.

Sex before marriage is a very individual thing and those involved in it if are committed to stand by each other then what benefit are we getting in disapproving this.

However, my questions….

• -          Who looks after her choice when a married woman is forced by her own husband/family into having sex with someone influential? Isn’t that sex outside marriage that too forced one? If this is allowed or prevalent then why a free will is so badly accused?
• -          What do you expect from a married women abandoned (read… Chorhi hui aurat) by their husbands. They are abandoned for myriad reasons including cheating/already married/remarriage/no visa support by immigrant spouses/cant reproduce a boy…. Will she have any physical needs? How should she fulfil those? She is married, no divorce filed and abandoned for the rest of her life and she shouldn’t think of having sex outside marriage right? Maybe she will force herself or be forced in flesh trade someday. There are 5163 exploitation/harassment cases in 17 ECR countries in last 3 years and over 25,000 women were abandoned in only one state in India by a 2007 estimate. These ladies have no right to Sex I must say, as they are married with no husband around. Bravo! These are those truths of life where it’s hard to say if it’s right or wrong.
• -          Another interesting fact, under Indian law, marital rape is not a crime even if it’s against the will of the victim. How could you not have sex lady, I own you and your body (do hell with your spirit and soul).  As per NFHS 2005 data, 6590 per 1 lac women reported husbands physically forcing them for sex, out which only 0.6% reported as per NCRB. Can we talk about this and condemn this all across social media day in and day out or say these facts are screwed etc etc…

These facts are not history and they are not pertaining to elitist. They are also not one off instances.

  

Love temporarily or lust forever – I won’t comment on this as I couldn’t understand the essence behind this statement and hence I won’t sit and contemplate this. What I understand in the literal sense, I won’t support this.

Love a man or woman or both – Absolutely. Love is above your choice, religion, society, tradition, social status… my inclination, my orientation towards gender will decide my love for the same or the opposite sex.

Bindi, ring or surname are ornaments, they can be replaced but not love for you – Woman are tagged after marriage with sindoor, bichiyaa (toe ring), choora (bangles) etc etc. Men – nothing. I know this argument of mine sounds clichéd. But have you ever thought of what if they don’t wear all this, does this make them less committed towards any relationship? So why a choice of being a plain Jane woman without all this razzmataaz. Again, this is for across the classes in society, who are struggling to unshackle this chain.   

Surname, my favourite topic. I mean I am Shobha Sinha for 20-25 years but after marriage I am suddenly Shobha Gupta. Not just this, there are communities in India which change the first name of the bride too. So I was Shobha Sinha and now I am Pooja Gupta. Do hell with my identity that existed before my marriage. Those who say what’s in a name, please rethink what you are saying.

Come at my time – as a HR professional I have had so many conversations with parents/husband when the female employees have to work late or in night shifts in last 10 years but the answer mostly is no. Safety reason plus she is a girl and we won’t allow her so much freedom. Even though the girl is capable and willing to stretch, sorry, you are not allowed and she better be home by 6 (some lenient ones allow till 8). No choice here right?

To have your baby or not, My songs your noise, my order your anarchy, your sins my virtues, I choose to empathise or be indifferent .. I am different - Our definition is our truth. Empowerment means differently to different individuals. If that’s not matching with yours, fine, condemn it but don’t forget to appreciate what good the person is trying to do.

Some went on to comment that a women of substance will never approve of this video. Great minds are so well aware I tell you.

Well! A women of substance will assert that …

I agree to these "________" parts of the video as it attempts to raise a few deep scars on the womankind.

My apprehensions on a few parts of the video as this will take us behind and not ahead. These parts break the societal make, questions the humanity and will trigger insensitive acts. My wish if the video could have spoken about education, freedom to work, funeral rights for woman, be compassionate and leverage the feminine values balancing the masculine energy for a better world.... 

My appeal that let’s aspire for diversity and equality. Bring about a place where the various genders thrive and strive for love, humility and respect. A place where women have a voice @ the dining table and @ the boardroom table. A society where we support, nurture the women as they have a loooooooong way to come up and claim their rights. Both men and women have to come together to bring about a change as you can't clap with one hand. Also, aspire for a place where we don’t make the male members feel the way we are feeling today or have felt for last many years. Let’s not aim for matriarchy.

I am that women of substance and these are my views and my choice. If 49% of women population assert and share their balanced view on the My Choice Video, the makers will get a hint on what they should do probably from next time.

Your choice to reject my views and continue the bashing or pick up the best pieces of this video and promote to the fullest possible. Talk of the positives and positivity will spread. Keep harping on the negative, we will remain miserable and not ever take any action.

Cheers, Jayshree

Aah, pls ignore the grammar, the write up is quite conversational without much of focus on sentence construct. And yes, am not a researcher though have tried capture a few facts online. 

Can woman have a choice?

As a woman of today and many like me in the society often wonder – “Do I have a choice?”

Many would wonder what I am talking about. I stay in a metro city, work independently, choose my projects, have a wonderfully supportive family and network of friends, go on vacation, buy stuff that I feel like and blahblahblah… Yes I do all of this and many like me do what I do and do even better.

Then why this thought? A little deep dive and you will find and even wonder… Do crores of women from different strata of society including me in this world, really have a choice?

Easiest to work through would be around a life cycle…

A choice to how they should be brought up by their parents? More than often they are sidelined saying they will be married off one day, they are so called “Bojh” and have no place in this maternal house. They are brought up with limited resources, taunted you are girl and you better behave, mentally fed that you are weak and you need to be protected always, learn to be a good housemaker etc etc.

A choice to demand the education they deserve but again the sons of the family get a better deal and if finances are bad at home, girl’s education is often sacrificed for the boy.

A choice to decide who to marry or not marry or re-marry or live-in? The tradition says you have to get married otherwise the society will write you off very soon. You should get married to whoever we find suitable or else don’t show us your face again in case of love marriages and if you belong to certain communities, then you will be murdered with a lot of conviction and agitation to save the family’s pride. I fail to understand what pride the Man of the house is trying to protect when the girl whom you brought up for all these years, is in blood in front of your eyes.

Re-marry – ohh again … my son can’t marry a widow or divorcee? Are you mad that girl is separated from her husband – “Zaroor uss ladki me hi koi kami hogi tabhi uskaa pati usse chor diya”. Doesn’t matter the guy who separated was an asshole, the problem is always found with the girl.

From marriage, my brain automatically could think of A Choice to be a mother when the girl wishes or not wishes to… You are married for 2 years now, when are you going the family way? “ek toh hona hi chaahiye”… who will take our generation ahead? At your age I was mother of 3…. Hindu women should give birth to 4 to increase our Hindu population and blahblahblah… Not to hurt any sentiments or disregard the biological symptoms that says early pregnancies are better, let the girl decide. It’s her body, her life, her desire to raise a kid or adopt a kid or probably to showcase her motherly love spend time with disadvantaged kids and help them nurture.

Talking about choices within marriage and a family, A Choice to raise her voice and opine… more than often (I can bet here)… a woman keeps her views to herself to maintain peace in the family because the men of the house has so much pressure to deal with outsiders/work pressure/earn a living, satisfy his own ego and blahblahblah. This silence on her part might be killing her from within, but she doesn’t have a choice to contradict what’s happening as it will disrupt the peaceful atmosphere and hamper with her child’s growth.

A choice to enjoy life and roam around on the roads in the evening to mid-night with a person of my choice in a free democratic country called India? This we can’t have… common… too much to ask for I guess. How can a girl have the right to enjoy, party, meet friends. If they do so they are showing indecent behaviour. The most recent blurb today from 2012’s Delhi bus rapist and the lawyer throws glimpse of what is very close to our society’s mentality (both men and women). ‘Who asked her to go out so late’? No body questions why there is lack of safety? Why boys are raised like animals and not decent human beings with any values? All come back and pile on girl’s morality, teaching them do’s and dont’s.

A choice to gain family’s support and carve out a niche for herself in whatever she excels rather being asked to choose between family or career.

A choice to decide who will light the fire during her funeral or let her light the fire during the funeral of her loved ones. Why is this right allowed to a boy only?

A choice to claim rights in parental property, choice to walk out of an abusive relationship, choice to be an unwed mother, choice to wear per occasion, choice to be brought up like a girl who is made mentally strong and not timid, choice to walk free on the mother earth rather than being dissuaded and told… “tum ladki ho, tumhaara yeh karanaa shobha nahi deta”.

Doesn’t matter how many whatsapp messages pull our leg on shopping, styling, being a whining wife, being bad at driving or technology etc.. fact of the matter is… Few women have little choices. There is still a long battle to be fought and won to bring in equality for women in the society and give them the desired place.

My point is not that woman are saints and they don’t do things which are universally looked down upon. We have a long way to go, to stretch ourselves, mend our ways, become our own voice, fight for our rights, raise our kids with stronger human values, retain the feminine values and make this world a better place.

For all this to happen, let the choice be with the girl to how, when, why and what she wants to do.

If we (Men and Women) take a vow:-

•           To share perspective, not force those on the women
•           To guide, support, nurture and not let her play number 2 always
•           To share the home and work load, so that she balances within and is not guilty often
•           To increase women representation in different fields even if they are not the best but have the ability and agility to learn
•         To promote  “One woman support another woman” rather building in hostility among us
•           To hear out women’s perspective as they bring a lot of value from their varied experience

To begin this, there is no better place than your Home Sweet Home. Give your love and respect and the MUCH NEEDED CHOICE to your mum, sister, granny’s, household support, female friends and other acquaintances. What you will get in return is unlimited Joy.

Take care of self, your loved ones and environment.

Cheers, Jayshree 

                                                                                                                                                                            

Have you invested in Emotional Insurance yet?

A few of my friends & colleagues after reading the title of this article might think that I can’t get over Insurance after working in Benefits for long (Yes! 3 loooong years).

Well! I tried hard but be it the current HR project or the book I finished reading a few days ago, Insurance manages to be around me J.

While reading the book “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch, I came across this term – Emotional Insurance. So far I had known Emotional Bank account coined by Stephen Covey asking us to deposit respect, kindness and courtesy to build trust in a relationship rather than withdrawal alone. Hence, my curiosity tempted me to deep dive the word “Insurance” first.

Insurance is a thing that provides protection against a possible eventuality like loss of life or property, medical emergencies etc. We get the protection by paying premiums to the many insurance agencies (who happily earn money on our money).

Now to decode Emotional Insurance (for ease I will use EI interchangeably from here on but don’t get it confused with Emotional IntelligenceJ)- 

Emotional Insurance is that gift to ourselves, our near and dear ones against many small or big contingencies/possibilities that we don’t even plan for in our busy lives or if we do plan, it’s either haphazard or simply parked to be brooded over later which hardly happens.

So, what are these possibilities?

Distance – Mental and physical. Physical when you are away from your dear ones for studies/ work/ medical treatment, in wars or on a mission. Mental when you are there in person and the relationship is broken, yet you don’t believe it’s over.

Other eventualities like lack of time, loss of money, relationships buried in graveyard, old age, illness – permanent or critical and Death (the inevitable)

How do we pay for the emotional insurance?

Unlike a life or general insurance, EI is not an off the shelf product. The only way to invest in EI is give your TIME, your PRESENCE, your VOICE, your TOUCH, your COMPANIONSHIP, your EXPRESSION and many valuable - memorable MOMENTS.

Being there fully alive, living each moment with your near and dear ones and sometimes strangers too that stays with us in togetherness and solitude in the later stages of our lives.

By giving your time and creating moments like attending child’s PTM or his/her first stage performance, doing daily chores at home and using that time to chitchat about day’s high or lows, sharing your colleague’s workload so that he can enjoy his vacation peacefully and shielding your team members so that they can plunge in unknown arenas for better learning, covering for your parent’s shortcomings and getting them exposed to the changing world and many more such moments, going extra mile for friends in distress even if it means getting yourself in trouble…

Journalizing your many FIRSTS – first day of school/college/work, first crush, first award, first Kiss, first day of cycling and surviving many bruises, first vehicle, first dent on the car, first kick out of a job, first heart break…

Celebrating the birthdays, anniversaries, teachers day, Valentine ’s Day, Diwali, Christmas, Id, New year…. and by expressing enough gratitude that you have one more opportunity to be part of such days.

Capturing the moments and celebrations through still pictures, videos, greeting cards, writing diaries & letters (too much to ask for from the what’s app generation, no?)

Who is the beneficiary of the emotional insurance?

Each one of us benefits from investing in EI. We, our near and dear ones and even those unknown acquaintances for whom we’d have paid the premiums accidentally enriching their lives.

EI covers us in solitude, in moments of stress or darkness, when we feel the entire world is 

against us and God is unkind. In these moments, snippets of past bring that innocent smile on our face. It fills us with the energy that life had been good once and raises the hope that we can make it good again.

EI lets us relish togetherness, social set ups, family functions - where you talk enthusiastically about how life was earlier, reminiscing the fun and laughter amidst many struggles that left you strong, the jokes & the giggles, the bonhomie, the dances, the stories and their interesting characters, the food, the lanes, the gossips and what not.    

And why do we invest in the emotional insurance?

Well, after reading the above piece I guess you have the answer by now.

To me this investment is my expression to a fulfilled life. A life worth lived. A life which I will admire and want to live once again in togetherness, solitude or death bed.

Randy, author of “The Last Lecture” and a patient of pancreatic cancer, invested in EI by spending the last few months of his life with his beautiful wife and three young children. He captured learning and insights from his life in the book, delivered the lecture in the college where he taught for years, created multiple videos/letters for his kids to know and experience him, pulled in those people whom he trusted to take care of his family after him. He made the best use of his available time and gifted his family the needed Emotional Insurance for their life time.

Again, the choice is completely ours. To continue in the race of acquiring more and more or 

paying premiums for EI by taking a step back, gaining the desired stillness, being mindful of what we have today, enjoying the moment and then gather the energy to move ahead with others (all known and unknown acquaintances).  

Take care!

The layers within

A few months ago, while trying out guided snorkelling I had a life time experience. A nervous me who don’t know swimming, took the plunge (of course inspired by ZNMD :P). A few minutes of rehearsal with the snorkelling equipments, falling in water while balancing my feet inside those fins & fair share of water entering into my body, blocking my sensory organs, I finally went inside the water holding hand of my guide firmly (praying.. please god get me out later safe and sound).

What a view… plenty of flora and fauna, corals, colourful fishes, large and small pieces of rocks… It was totally mesmerising and I could relate to all the stories of the snorkelers I read before.

Aaah… You must be thinking why I am sharing just another snorkelling experience. Well! A little more story and I share why…

While snorkelling for about 5-7 minutes, the guide brought me to a point, halted for a few seconds and signalled if I was willing to go beyond. Grappling with small intakes of oxygen, feeling my each breath carefully, I looked beyond that point and was awestruck. It was way more colourful, brighter with millions of underwater creatures / fishes /corals of all size. The vibrancy of that view was beyond words. There was a catch here, when I took a closer look I realized beyond that point, it’s deeper than where we were swimming. I could suddenly feel that pit in my stomach, I was shaken. I brought myself to reality and signalled my guide let’s go back, though I couldn’t take my eyes off that scenic view. We journeyed back from that juncture to the shore with more salty water in my nose, throat and lungs and also a struggle mid-way where the guide left my hands thinking I will manage on my own and I almost drowned :P (Falling often and rising again comes naturally to me)

Back on the beach, with my eyes closed I was picturing my wonderful stint with water when something struck me. Just like how I avoided taking plunge in the deeper section of the sea & exploring the life inside, many a times I avoid exploring the “ME”. Looking beyond that point in water, I knew it was beautiful, more lively and exciting, but didn’t agree to move further. I had a guide too with me who would have ensured I was safe but still I didn’t step ahead… I was scared, I wasn’t willing to stretch for a while and enjoy the lovely under water creation of nature… I couldn’t penetrate the layers within the water body.

Just like the multi layered water body, we have layers within… layers of lack of belief, myriad fears, road blocks, unconstructive patterns and behaviours that are involuntarily covering our heart, mind and soul and we are letting them overpower our real “us”.

More often than not we are happy with the current state of where we are, what we are doing and what we are accomplishing. We are either so unaware of our talent or are simply turning deaf, mute and blind because it asks us to STRETCH ourselves and PIERCE through those layers within.

If at all we can dare to UNLAYER these covers to our REAL SELF…We can reach where we often visualize ourselves but never feel confident…. Really achieve those childhood dreams we painted on walls or scribbled on some slam book…take those actions which was part of some new year resolution or coffee conversations…

If at all we can dare to UNLAYER these covers, we can mend that one broken heart, nurture that one relation often itching us & further growing the scar, forget that one incident that makes us feel powerless, forgive that one person to get peace at heart…

If at all we can dare to UNLAYER these covers, we can explore many positive feelings, capabilities, sweet memories, strengths; revisit those abandoned hobbies; seek clarity and awareness to do what we are really meant to do in this life time.

So, this 2015, book a ticket and travel deep within your heart, mind and soul.

Wish you a happy new year!

Take care and Count your blessings!